Everyone had told me that I need to go to a Pakistani wedding and one evening I was actually invited to two of them. It is wedding season at the present. I only went to one. Of course, by saying I went to a wedding I need to clarify that I just went to Mehndi which is one of several events around the wedding. And I didn’t see a wedding ceremony as such, but did see the groom take vows—you have to say you take the woman as your wife three times. The bride had taken her vows in private someplace else. The bride did finally come and the bride and groom sat in the front and looked very sober. I asked someone the next day and they told me that this was tradition because she was leaving her family. Another told me that if they were too chatty and happy with each other up front it would indicate that they had known each other prior to the ceremony—which can be the case now days.

The event involved the women coming up and putting henna on each of their hands and then feeding them each a sweet. Mehndi is the same as henna so that is the main activity. The young men danced in a fashion after bollywood. I found out later that they had practiced quite a bit for this. There was then some dancing by older women with their sons but generally the sexes remained separate.

My understanding is that weddings have themes so that it could be that close family wear yellow, for example. In this case, the close family women wore pants that were a bit like bloomers, including some little girls. The men wore black. Everyone was dressed in their very best. Weddings involve paying for very expensive makeup which can cost up to $250 (a huge amount here).

All that I described transpired over a couple of hours while people milled around and talked to each other. Then, all of a sudden, the buffet was open and all ate. By 9:50 p.m. the lights flickered, signalling that it was nearly the end. The government of Punjab has passed a law that limits the number of dishes at a wedding and the time, so everything has to be over by 10 p.m. This is to limit the cost to weddings.

The family was gracious to have let me come with the Khaqans and included me, a stranger in their midst.

The bride actually still stays with her parents after Mehndi. Then the next day the bride’s family has a reception. And then the groom’s family has a reception. My impression is that the vows are not always said at Mehndi but can be at one of the other times. It seems like the ceremony itself—the signing of the marriage certificate and the vows—are a pretty minor part of the whole and not really a major focus.